Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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