New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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