On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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