Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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