So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
