I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
