# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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