I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
