Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
