By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
