i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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