hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
