trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The adults are the big ones right?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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