He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
