is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
