Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
