I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
