Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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