just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
