vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
