I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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