If that was your dad, he is hot
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
