smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
