he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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