I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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