I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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