Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
