i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
