Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
