i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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