I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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