I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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