have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
