So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
