Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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