we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
