i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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