You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
