We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Even my vagina gasped.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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