Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
