I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
