Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sorry my hands just texted you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
