I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
