my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
