He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
