My first STD was from a foam party
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
