She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She told me I should be a condom model.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
