did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
