so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
