Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
