I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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