is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
