Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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