eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
