I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
