I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
