u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
